Trailer Trash Vol. 3… April Fool’s Edition {Out of Order} | Lighttrain

Heya, Daddy-O! Welcome back for this very special April Fools episode of Out of Order. Are you guys are all set to go dumpster diving tonight? Ah yes, digging up all kinds of ultra-violent rock ’em sock ’em’s, Technicolor wonders, moldy oldies, bizarre Italian imports, and exotic off-color panoramas. It’s our third volume of Trailer Trash, heated up for your appetite (and don’t forget about our snack bar, presented solely by Dr. Pepper)!

Mars Attacks! (1996)

What is there to say? A truly chaotic trailer, Mars Attacks! is overfull with freakish images and characters being dissipated by lasers left and right. Even wilder, the abundance of recognizable faces. Danny DeVito, Pierce Brosnan, Michael J. Fox, Glenn Close, Martin Short, Tom Jones as himself, believe it or not. The president is portrayed by Jack Nicholson in the film as well; his character does have a name, but I just call him President Nicholson. It just feels more empowering. Mine as well mention that he plays a duel role as some random casino tycoon for no reason. Except to be killed, of course. Now that I sit on it, maybe Mars Attacks! is the only movie where Nicholson dies at the hands of the aliens (if you’ve seen the movie you’ll get where I’m coming at) on two different occasions. So every time you think your life sucks, just remember that Jack Nicholson died in a motion picture twice. Feel sorry, huh?

Red Roses for the Fuhrer (1968)

Luckily not a German romantic comedy starring Hitler as the lead role. Being the April Fools special, this trailer could’ve been so much more aggravating than what I selected. This is what they call a Macaroni Combat, which is essentially an Italian war flick in the same manner in how Spaghetti Westerns like The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly are the Italian version of westerns. The lip-syncing is hilariously rushed out and our setting is rather bland. For a Macaroni Combat, there is a surprising lack of cheese. I expected more exploitation schlock that makes these trailers so entertaining, but the film on display doesn’t genuinely look half-bad. Although, a romantic comedy does have potential…

Dixie Dynamite (1976)

This trailer as well as the next were both suggested by Max from https://powerpop.blog; thank you very much for the recommendations! Personally, I think Dixie Dynamite is a film more Kentucky fried than The Kentucky Fried Movie. Sorry Landis. It features two young women who seek revenge after their father, a moonshiner, is fatally shot by the town sheriff. Interesting movie tidbit: this was among one of the final roles of actor and professed “King of Cool” Steve McQueen, who has a nonspeaking appearance as a motorcyclist.

Beyond Atlantis (1973)

Easily my biggest gripe with Beyond Atlantis is its shoestring budget. The film doesn’t even take place in the underwater province of Atlantis! I normally would call this false advertising, though exploitation features are moderately notorious for having lurid titles to draw audiences into the theaters. The director actually urged the rating of Beyond Atlantis to be a family-friendly PG, which is uncommon for pulpy stuff such as this. I’m also bored to tears whenever they swim in the ocean… essentially it feels like it is on slow motion. Although despite these things, thanks once again for the trailers, Max.

Polyester (1981)

Of course, how could I forget the satire of Douglas Sirk melodramas directed by the trashy John Waters? An early production from New Line Cinema, Polyester was a suburban tale of foot-stomping and a suicidal dog (this is real, I assure you). What it has in its hilariously offbeat and black plot points it makes up for with Odorama, creating a “scentsational” experience. The gimmick was a quaint scratch-and-sniff card. At various intervals during the runtime, the movie would beckon you to take a whiff of one of the numbered spots. The scents included that of roses, flatulence, glue, pizza, a skunk, dirty shoes, and gasoline. It was generally a prank on the audience, much like moments on tonight’s show. Thank you for that, John Waters.

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The Groove Tube (1974)

“1974’s most hilarious wildest movie is here!”, is one of the claims made by this trailer for The Groove Tube. It was a sketch comedy directed by and starring Ken Shapiro, who I’ve never heard of before, and Chevy Chase. Not aware who that guy is either… He’d never make it big in Hollywood, that’s for sure. But this movie just sounds uncomfortable all round, ranging from a PSA with a rude awakening to Brown 25, an industrial space-age mush that suspiciously resembles excrement. Doesn’t help that it’s produced in part by the Uranus Corporation!

Bee Movie (2007)

Remember this? I’m guessing that your answer is no. Though thankfully Bee Movie would later be a full-length animated feature made by Dreamworks, it was originally intended for a live-action approach with lead role Jerry Seinfeld walking around with a gigantic bumblebee outfit. In a second teaser trailer, the technical difficulties persist and Steven Spielberg recommends making it a cartoon to Seinfeld. In some ways, it may have been interesting to see a real-life cut of Bee Movie. And in case you may have been wondering, yes, the director cameo is Eddie Izzard. Wikipedia is a pathway to many abilities some would consider to be unnatural… anyways, onto the next.

The Three Supermen in the Jungle (1970)

Uomo, io sono non un grande fan di crema formaggio. Suo viscido e grumoso, appena perche fa esiste? Chi anche usi crema formaggio? Su ricerca, tu poteva propagazione alcuni sopra crostini con marmallata o forse nel maccheroni e formaggio… ew, espettare che cosa? Quello e anche peggio! O si, Che fanno i nostri supermen tra le vergini della jungla? sembra strano.

Mars Attacks! (1996)

Deja vu, we’ve just been in this place before! For the martians in this film, they made all their lines of dialogue “ack, ack, ack, ack”, as at the time the screenwriters were unsure what they would actually sound like. But in the end, that’s what they made their dialogue. To do this, they reversed the quack sound associated with ducks. Tim Burton was hoping to create his own tribute to Ed Wood movies, Earth vs. The Flying Saucers, and Ray Harryhausen’s stop-motion works, which we discussed last week. Moral of the story: always remember that Jack Nicholson had to die twice in a film.

Can Heironymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness? (1969)

This was voted by readers of the Chicago Tribune in 2006 the worst movie title of all time. Need I say more?

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NEXT WEEK | The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters